so, actually in both situations i will not lose out.
and instead, i think take digital media would get me further for my work from the start and that means i'm a step even closer to humanitarian aid.

sometimes i feel like a really willful kid
trying in all sorts of method just to get my way through
but even though i fall on the way, i learn things the better way
but this isn't a really good way to learn..
it's just like saying, only after u commit suicide, then u know what death is..
hahaha, so i guess heed advice but make wise choices.

but one very thing i've learnt as a child, which i guess my parents or siblings would never be able to understand that is,
never never cut off a child's dream by saying this will not bring u future
neither will it be useful to u.
just like in my case, my dream at the end of the day is to go out there, around the world to help people in need
to make this world a better place, to see lives being transformed.

to them, it's trash, its useless.

Even though i may not be able to transform the lives of many
but starting with one is already an accomplishment.
just like the story of a man on the beach.
at night a boy went to the beach because he was unhappy.. he saw the old man bending down and started picking starfish by starfish and throwing them into the sea.
they boy didn't understand why the old man did that.
but just one sentence changed the perspective of the boy
"there may be a lot of starfishes on the beach but each starfish that i've picked up and thrown back into the sea, its life has been transformed"

yes, i may not be able to transform lives of many, and some like the starfishes might have died, but at least u were able to save some of them.
just like this story, my parents will never be able to understand this.
because they always find community work as something useless, a waste of time.
i'm used to it. too used to it. all that i do is to shut my mouth and do these on my own without telling them :)

its a dream that they will never think its great but i myself know how much it means to people out there.
but before i can do all these, i will need to study hard, and to strengthen myself
mentally, emotionally, physically :)
so, i'm persisting for this dream of mine. :)

and well something happened before i'm at 313 starbucks and drinking caramel frappe alone right now
well its just sad.. really sad..
but i've pulled myself back :) i'm stronger now :)
and it's something that i need to learn along the way that is to be strong!

now what was it that happened?

went doby ghaut with darren.

and we were on the way to north south line.
i was just disheartened to see that no one actually is helping the blind man
i teared not because i was traumatized by the closing of train door and it's not the 1st time i'm being banged by the door
and even when i was banged by the door just now, i felt a protection around me and it didn't hurt at all.
what got me crying is being unable to see the blind man safe all the way..
i was really afraid for him just now..
and actually i could see fear in him when getting onto the mrt...
he was like kind of in unrest and trembling..

worried am i, i've grown to let go..
that is sometimes as much as we want to help someone, we may be limited to boundaries and obstruction
but since the blind man is safe on the mrt i guess he would be fine :)
as we were separated from the blind man, all that i was thinking is i hope he gets a seat.. for the mrt is really shaky..
i hope there will be another kind soul to help him after our journey departs from him..

It's really sad to see that in this very world, there very few people out there willing to have any little acts of kindness. Many walking past a blind man PRETEND they CANNOT SEE him when in the BLIND man's world, it is just full of darkness and he is afraid of where his next step would be. Sadly, it's a beautiful day but he cannot see. And yet people who can, take it for granted. :'(