went to carlton hotel yesterday
hmm till like 1030 at night then cab home
NTU was having their dinner and dance lols
hmm had a little fun at the hotel yesterday
finally i got to see little natasha =]
she so quiet. lols tts coz she's a baby this is the 1st time i saw natasha coz tt time i was sick and didn't attend her 1st mth celebration
hmm ytd in the hotel was like so... okay 3 generations lols
so as usual the older generation sat at one table while the younger ones another generation
i said: we belong to the kids table
merrill said: no ar.. sit here better than sit there. l8r u fall asleep
caspar said: but we're kids
lols funny lor.
as usual... merissa was running around looking for uncle caspar and me.
lols really sound weird having someone to call u aunty sounds old lei
hmm merissa is so like me.. the cousins are all guys hahas
and so.. her mum( my cousin), me and her look alike.
people always like to compare us lols
hahas like clones lols
anyway sitting at the table ytd was bored for me la.. mostly guys...
and dun ask me to play with my niece and nephews... i'll get bored lols
they guys are really rough and merissa
hais idk what to say la...
idk why but to me it feels like everything has changed. is it you or is it me? or in fact the both of us? it doesn't seems like the past anymore. i have been thinking and have been reflecting about it. but i really don't understand. i sometimes feel that im not fitted for you. yr like in your own world and im in mine. and to u, u said u didn't fit me instead. its like everything is starting to spilt... but why. i dun wan to. i really can't bear to let go. why is it that we can't stay strong on our own at all? why is it that we get affected easily by a 3rd party? i really dun wan this at all. its hurting me. stuck stuck stuck. i totally didn't like him at all. i guess u won't know how it feels when u said all those things. but i guess im just weak. i cried for all that messages u sent. and even now. it hurts me lot. i guess if we didn't even started, we would have ended up being close frens. and really good ones. but if we need to change the fact now, it'll be real hard. if u said u want to break some day, i would say alright. but why? i just hope that if we do end one day, we would still be able to remain as friends. i once asked someone and someone said dunno. but i have not asked u. i dun wish to know the answer coz im afraid of the truth. reality would be hurting but it can't be changed. its a fact, a real fact. i guess im just afraid to reality. i need someone who is able to be there for me at all times, regardless of anything. sometimes i just hope that u can be more understanding toward me. but i guess neither am i. that i guess is what the two of us lacks. and i guess.. its hard for us. being able to know all these is just coincidental. i've always viewed and believed horoscope but now.. how shld i say? when i 1st saw horoscope before we were together, its always about love. but after we're together, its no longer the case. i longed to know more about love, hoping that i would understand how u are feeling for that particular day. but now, not a chance. i don't know why but thoughts of you have changed. i felt even weaker than ever. i needed you. i've been crying ever since. i dun know why. i need to tell myself to stop crying and be stong. and i really hope i would be.. i got too much to say in my heart. it seems like a rock being unable to get rid of. the slightest movement just taking lrt home together would just be good enough. but it isn't the case coz we're having different event. many at times i went home alone. u just dun know. or maybe u know but u dunno what to do. i read some of the conversations between us at the start of the year, its just so sweet and so cute. it make me smile and then it makes me cry... i really hope things would change. change for the good... i need your protection and love. bcoz everything is hurting me ever since the appearance of a 3rd party between the two of us.. its a she and its a he. i just want to say no matter what, i love you. ur the 1st person i've been so crazy about. the 1st one..and i guess.. i dun know if things are going on the right track or not..?
'Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow, '
Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead,
Just walk beside me...,
'and that will be just fine =]
Love with your eyes closed, but love with your hearts open.