today's promotion day and guess what? i fear..
failures,setbacks, depression... i don't know but to me, its really something hard to acknowledge. its an extreme disappointment for me
Its really very very hard to except the facts. reality always hurts. mr ng talked about the 3 who still had f9 even after the combined results. i can't help but controlled my tears of course. it hurts. i really don't know how... my results just sucks especially chem. f9.. hais
I kept reflecting on my results and that built stress and fear wanting to make me cry. i seriously could not take it that day and broke down. its really really very hurting.. its like some kind of stress or something hard to explain.
people who did well were smiling. As far as i see, those who didn't of course had no reaction then. and i am one of those. i chose not to do anything. for the fact that i had to resist my tears from rolling down once again. i knew that to the others who did well, they know that its great. but to those of us, its just another disappointment and it was devastating.
Mrs Lim came in and talked to us. it was really crap. not that crap but crap in the sense that she scared the hell out of me. mr ng also said those who failed both science would have to drop. damn im one. that very moment it made me feel worse than ever. mrs lim's words was also another one that made me drop to the very bottom. that feeling...
i don't know whats my feeling now. numb? dumbfounded? senseless? i really don't know. yes, people said that i've improved but this is still not i want. i know from the start of the year with only 2 passes, 5 fails, i have changed it to 5 passes, 2 fails.
english from D7 to B4
amaths from F9 to B4
humans from E8 to C6
these are those that i improved.
chinese and e maths maintained at b3 and b4.
but those weren't good enough. i never hit any of my aims. i never felt as bad as before. each setback didn't make me stronger. but instead it made me worse. i really don't know whats my feeling. my heart is still as ??? i don't know whats that...
tears shed doesn't make any difference i know. but then it really i hard to except the fact. it really is hard. but many do not understand that. that kind of pressure in ourselves. i can say yes, i have failed, but so what? im willing to take up the courage to work even hard. rather than to keep on hanging there with no efforts.
Let me tell you, it isn't funny to laugh at those whose result are bad. It really isn't. If you count them as your close ones and friend you shouldn't even be laughing at them. If you do so, you aren't even a friend. You're not worth being friends with them. i really don't know why these people are like these. im not saying anything but can we please be more sensitive?
words can mean lots of things. words can make people happy and words can like people cry. sometimes words said really hurt one. it causes one to cry. sensitivity all i request is just that.
if you can't do that then im sorry. please don't make me blacklist you. because for me to blacklist someone is really hard. and if i do blacklist you then i can tell you. you are really atrocious.
To one failing may not be a big thing. but to some of us its really something really really hard to acknowledge. i just don't know what more can i say about these insensitivity to others. if you are happy so be it. its you yourself. don't go and brag so much about it when people aren't even happy at all. you would only cause that person to hate you. people to hate you for your doings. I'm just feeling sorry for those who felt the way i felt. Not sympathize nor empathize. I'm only trying to make known my own sentiments.
i don't know why but then i cried once more because of the results. please stop making me cry. its really insensitive. i really hate you!!! i know you have done better than me so what? look at yourself now. Think about it. Reflect about it. Are you good? If you think you are, its just self denial. I can tell you you aren't at all.
I guess i have enough of all these things. Really enough. Enough is Enough! I don't want to get this setback once again.
"I never thought it could be so hard to lose something I never really had!" ~Unknown