memories kept

Well, I really don’t have much to say. Upset, yes. Tired, hell yes. But getting through life with all these struggles? Been there, done that. I’m used to these feelings, and I know exactly how to deal with everything that life throws at me. But hopefully, sometime soon, I won’t have to go through half the emotions I have to right now.

To let go isn’t to forget, not think about, or ignore. It doesn’t leave feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret. Letting go isn’t winning, and it isn’t losing. It’s not about pride, it’s not about how you appear, and it’s not obsessing or dwelling on the past. Letting go isn’t blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts and doesn’t leave emptiness, hurt, or sadness. It’s not giving in or giving up. Letting go isn’t about loss, and it’s not defeat. To let go is to cherish memories, and overcome and move on. It’s having an open mind and confidence in the future. Letting go is accepting. It’s learning, experiencing and growing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and made you grow. It’s about all that you have, all that you had, and all that you will soon again. Letting go is having the courage to accept change, and the strength to keep moving. Letting go is growing up. It’s realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy. To let go is to open a door, to clear a path, and to set you free.

Thanks to those who hated me, you made me a stronger person. Thanks to those who loved me, you made my heart bigger. Thanks to those who envied me, you made my self-esteem grow. Thanks to those who cared, you made me feel important. Thanks to those who worried, you let me know that you care. Thanks to those who left, you showed me that not everything is forever. Thanks to those who stayed, you showed me the meaning of true friends. Thanks to those who entered my life, you made me who I am today.

I don’t know what happened. How we all became so fragile, so incredibly breakable. I don’t know why my tears can fall so easily yet every single one feels like I’m failing at this facade of being happy, fine, and alive. I don’t understand how missing someone can quietly kill you and how an unrequited love, just robs you of this sense of hope we all should have. I can’t comprehend how everyone thinks I’m so strong, and brave, when all I feel is weak and scared. I don’t know when this happened, when life became like this. Because looking back, it’s always been this way.

All I know is, no matter how much people hurt you, no matter how much you want to give up, and no matter how often the sun does not shine, you just need to keep going. Because for all the hurt that one person gives you, there are 10 others who care. For all the things that make you want to give up, there are so many things out there that are worth living for. And for all the days that seem cloudy and dark, just know that the sun is there, just waiting on its chance to shine.

May 2011 be a better year ahead