it's been a really great day that i've got such awesome friends in Poly ^^
hehe if you guys happen to read this, you know who you are
and thanks for being in my life and being so awesome! ^^
love you guys ♥
anyway through today's talk i got to know myself more
well, i finally know whats wrong after these few days
i've found the root cause
and i'm glad to have found it
it was tough but
i finally set myself free.
i've been finding the root cause as to what i've been being negative for
It's all because I'm blaming myself for who I am.
sometimes i really do hate my character of being like a hypocrite
behaving like this at this time and then another at another time
it feels weird
and i start condemning myself
how should i put it, even if i'm unhappy, i won't find a point to say things out
i just keep it, let it go
i hate myself for Being nice and all.
it's like my strength is also my weakness
how contradicting it can be
But I came to a conclusion that set me free...
which is I should forgive myself and say sorry to myself.
I shouldn't have kept everything in and just keep quiet Abt my unhappiness and all
and because I keep blaming myself,
condemnation comes in.
First I'm stressed,
because I'm fearful and worried.
And What's worse was I was condemning myself for who I am
unknowingly i was doing that and it really caused me to want to cry
like why am i feeling so upset yet i have no idea why i'm upset
it only caused me to be feeling so super terrible
but i'm glad really glad.
that moment when i got myself the light from enlightenment, i knew i fixed my problem
maybe i may have fixed it for this moment but go back the next the same
but i just want everyone to know that
we all fall sometimes, we just got to find the strength to rise
we're all stronger, stronger than we know
don't give up, at the end of the day, you'll be very happy that hey, everything is over
i'm glad to have this revelation after so many times that people try to get this in my mind but nothing worked
but today, i truly understand.
and i'm thankful for that :)