memories kept

Just too tired of trying to be happy all the time. Don't wanna explain myself either. No point explaining since no one understands anyway. Just gonna shut my mouth and not say a single thing even though i'm dying inside. i'm no longer who i used to be. tolerant and all, whats the point? No one knows, no one bothers. Trust me.

At the end of the day the problem still belongs to oneself. No one can solve it for you anyway. They can only listen but there after, so what? Life's hard. No one said it was easy.

"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I — not events — have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it."— Groucho Marx

Each and everyday i tell myself tomorrow's going to be much better, only to know it turns out to be even worse than i thought it would be. To the extend that now, i don't really bother what tomorrow brings. Too tired. Tired- (T)orn apart, (I)nsecure, (R)eally faking my smile, (E)xtremely sad, (D)rowning in my tears.

Some times i just want to concentrate on how good if feels to be alive. No matter what. Just to see the color of the sky, just to smell the air, and feel the wind in your face…because in the end, it’ll be okay.

But then again I hate that thing that happens right before you fall asleep. Every event that happened through out the day, every little minor detail that caused you to be unhappy, every moment that made you cry rushes through your head, and all you can do about it is cringe and pretend it all never happened and you end up tearing to sleep.

You know that feeling when you’re just waiting, waiting to get home into your room, close the door, fall into bed, and just let everything out that you kept in all day, that feeling of both relief and desperation? Nothing is wrong, but nothing is right either, and you’re tired, tired of everything, tired of nothing, and you just want someone to be there and tell you it’s okay, but no one’s going to be there, and you know you have to be strong for yourself because no one can fix you.

But you’re tired of waiting, tired of having to be the one to fix yourself and everyone else, tired of being strong, and for once, you just want it to be easy, to be simple, to be helped, to be saved, but you know you won’t be, but you’re still hoping and you’re still wishing and you’re still staying strong and fighting with tears in your eyes. You’re fighting.

i'm gonna keep on fighting. Stay Strong.