memories kept

hey world~

life's been torturing me i guess?

been having such a hard time at home and i wish that i can just leave this world and disappear somehow

i guess i ought to learn to be stronger.

till a day where i can just learn to be so resistant to every thing that is happening

it's time i learn to grow up alone. yes alone.

like i always said, we all end up alone someday, somehow

as much as we all can get negative and down and all alone, seeking for the love of others and care, concern, but how long would all these last, coming from human efforts?

and then when i go out, hide myself in a cafe, resist the lonely look from strangers, feeling so alone and intimidated by everyone around me.

i start walking quickly only to pretend i'm going to do something important

wishing to sit down at a quiet cafe or a restaurant yet seeing the crowd, i feel withdrawn, not feeling confident to go in for a meal

and then it repeats all over again, me walking around aimlessly.

till the crowd subsides, i subtly try to fit in, in a corner- i wish

but i always end up choosing a seat right smack in the middle of an awkward position

sigh. that aside. i started learning how to play 童话 on the piano. it was good. somewhere for me to escape for a while i guess?

i guess we're all like little music keys, we get pressed on to shine and produce the good that we have and once our notes doesn't fit in, we're neglected.

i guess i must be too bored to be learning how to play that song?

if you'd ask if i knew how to play a piano? trust me. NO. i don't.

but it really isn't hard

i must be outta my mind to be playing that song and writing out the chords without even googling pressing notes after notes to find out which note goes next.

it took me only a day to master it. it takes time, but it's fun.~

i don't know but i feel so like this song right now "Failure in disguise"

Have you ever felt like you were the only one on the road?
Have you ever wondered, "Where has everybody gone?"
Have you ever felt abandoned?
Have you ever felt alone?
Have you ever felt like just crying out for help?
And then did you wonder "Will they even understand?"
Have you ever felt a pain you could not bear?
But the world, it goes around just fine anyway.
Well I, I hear your cry,
And I, I feel your pain;
I know you try so hard
To make things right,
To overcome
This endless fight--
Just don't give up.
Have you ever felt like you just stepped over the line?
And then, did you just pretend that everything was fine?
Have you ever felt nobody knows who you are?
Have you ever felt like a failure in disguise?
Well I, I hear your cry,
And I, I feel your pain;
I know you try so hard
To make things right,
To overcome
This endless fight--
Just don't give up;
Just don't give up;
Just don't give up;
I won't give up.